Every February 1st I have decided to celebrate my own personal Freedom Festival (I named it that too!)! Here is what I am celebrating:
When do you ask questions about meaning of life? Usually the early teens. By young adulthood you have started to numb yourself to those questions. Why? If you have no meaningful answer then it leads to despair. It was at the age of 13 I started to ask those questions. Why am I here? Who am I? What happens when you die? You know, the questions we dont really talk about as adults.
I grew up in a super loving home with a brother I looked up to like crazy! At age four I met my best friend Liza Johnson and my life was great. Throughout elementary school (especially near the end) I started to form a group of friends. We were pretty rebellious, as rebellious as a person who is 11 can be J. I didnt care if I got kicked out of class, I just wanted to be popular. Liza used to invite me to church with her family. Now I knew that church was for losers and so I made up as many excuses as I could not to go. Eventually my excuses ran out.
Grade seven was a difficult year. I started going to a youth group at this church which was full of amazing people and was so much fun. However, my friends at school were also getting more involved with smoking, drinking and other things. I still really cared what they thought of me and so I lived a two-faced life. I also would go to bed with this feeling in my heart like something was wrong
missing. I can remember that so clearly.
Finally in the winter of Grade 8 I was at a youth group retreat and I felt like God spoke to my heart and asked whether I would let Him have my whole life, or would I keep living for others and ultimately myself? It was a battle because I had a lot of pride and didnt want to be unpopular. As I talked to God I realized that I had guilt and fear, I wanted that to be gone and I was tired of the double life. I decided to accept Jesus offer. I went to school after that weekend and I was totally released from that need for approval. I was finally able to stop caring only about myself and instead care about others. The freedom and weight off my shoulders was indescribable.
I look at what happened to some of those friends as they grew up, one was pregnant by age 16, another in jail after high school for murder, others involved with gangs, drugs
I have no doubt I would have made choices to do some of those same things to be accepted.
Im not perfect (even though Ben always tells me I am, he is so sweet!) and I often find myself living for my own pleasures instead of loving others first, but I know that this journey is one of love, forgiveness, and growth. Its actually a love story between God and me, He pursued me and won, and I would give my heart over again and again
. No regrets!
Thanks for letting me share my story with you- it is exciting to celebrate my first freedom festival!
Teaching Adventures 